Widowed Resolution

I've found that one of the hardest questions to answer has been "How are you doing?".  At Mary Kay we're taught to always respond with "Great!" because most of the time it is asked out of politeness and they aren't really interested in the answer so why not answer in the positive.  Plus if answered this way long enough it will eventually become true.

Well, widowerdom (my new word of the day) has brought a whole new dimension to the answer.  It's not that I'm not doing great most of the time, but it can change at a moments notice.  Little things can pull at my heart and remind me of the absence of my sweetheart and leave me with bittersweet emotions that often result in silent tears.

I've evaluated these feelings often and can most closely describe it as the feeling you get while listening to a song with dissonant chords.  The harmonies are so close that they bring an uncomfortable feeling and a longing for the song to resolve into a pleasing harmony.  The only problem is that it doesn't resolve.  You are left with a longing that doesn't dissolve but lingers on.  It doesn't go away, you just become used to it so it doesn't hurt as much.

While thinking about this the following poem came to my mind.  I don't assume to be much of a poet but it describes this feeling well:

Widowed Resolution

The melody I still can hear,
Though worn and old, I shed a tear.
The harmony that once there bore,
Still faintly plays though heard no more.
The songs of two combined as one,
Did rise and grow, a pleasing tone.
O’re dissonance the two did cling,
Then resolution’s joy did bring.
Through rise and fall together bore,
Those harmonies I hear no more.
Though peaceful, calm, is the sound,
Sweet consonance cannot be found.
How long will this new song still ring,
While bittersweet the memories bring?
Yet, the refrain I leave for Him to solve,
Patiently I wait, for it to resolve.