Tuesday, December 14, 2010

The Little Things

Sunday morning while I was getting ready for church I went to throw away a paper in the master bathroom. The trash can has always been by Krista's vanity on the other side of the room. So as I had done countless times before, I walked across the room and dropped the paper in the trash. As I was walking away I realized that I ought to just move the can closer to my sink as I would be the only one using it now. Suddenly my emotions overcame me and I started to cry for there was one more thing to remind me of the passing of my dear wife and friend. I have since thought about that event and how something so small and seemingly insignificant could have such a profound effect on me.

Last night the doorbell rang, I knew what was in store. The Relief Society president asked if it would be okay for them to come caroling to our house to surprise Jacob and Emma with songs, gifts and letters about each carolers' memories of Krista. I quickly gather the kids and went to the door. Upon opening the door I was astonished by the sight. There were friends from our ward, school teachers, PTA associates of Krista's, neighbors and school mates. Our sidewalk and lawn were overflowing with angels that came to sing to us. There must have been at least one hundred people there to show heartfelt love and support for our family. There were many tears of joy as each person came forward to give us gifts, letters, hugs and words of comfort. It wasn't a difficult or miraculous thing each person did that night but added together they made a big impact on our family and brought a peace and love into our home that was needed in this time of loss.

We may never know the impact of the little things we do in life. Smiling at someone that walks by, holding the door for the person behind you, saying kind words or at this time of year sharing a sincere "Merry Christmas". Not only can it bring joy to the hearts of others but it will lift your spirits and instill in you a desire to do more little things for our brothers and sisters.

In Alma 37:6 is says "by small and simple things are great things brought to pass". You may never know the full impact of the little things you do every day. Let's try to make them all good things that together add up to be great.



Panni said...

Yes, this is the hardest part, when every little thing reminds you to your loved one and you can't avoid those things, you can't be prepared enough to them and especially not to your own emotions.
I wish you a lot-lot of power to make it through!

Anonymous said...

You don't know me but, as she has with so many others, your wife has inspired me in ways I can't even explain. My heart goes out to you and your family and you continue to be in my prayers. I LOVE that you have posted on her blog since her passing and hope you continue to do so. There are so many who are genuinely concerned for you and your family and we would love to hear how you are doing.

Anonymous said...

Jared - your writing is as beautiful and eloquent as Krista's. I continue to pray for your strength and comfort and peace. Sending love to you and the whole family. Claudia

Anonymous said...

That is wonderful that so many people took the time to touch you and your children with Christmas Carols and notes and letters! Thanks for posting and keeping us updated on what is going on. I didn't think Krista's passing would effect me so profoundly because I didn't know her except through this blog. But it has. You and your children are in my thoughts and prayers.

Anonymous said...

Jared, I am so happy that you and Emma and Jacob have friends and supporters as wonderful as you do. Goes to show the impact that Krista and your family have had on very many people. Just know that even though we can not make it to be by your side, we are missing her as well. I pray for our Lord to grant you strentgh in your difficult time.

Josh and Kristen said...

Oh Jared, I am so sorry for your loss! Krista took the time and called me on the phone after I posted on this blog in May. We had just started our adventure with Glioblastoma after my husbands diagnosis in April, and I was given a reference to Krista's blog. My conversation with Krista greatly impacted me and I have reflected on that conversation repeatedly over the last several months. I have looked up to your family as a beacon of HOPE!!! We share the same faith and the same trial, but somehow Krista was always able to teach me and now you as well. I can only imagine how yours may be the hands that hang down, that yours may be the feeble knees (see D&C 85) but somehow you strengthen me. I am praying for you. I can't express enough how much I admire your strength and faith. It's almost like you are the Lord's personal advocate for the enabling power of the atonement. While you don't know us, be assured that love and prayers are coming your way from our family. Krista made an impact on so many lives, and we were lucky enough to be among them. Thank you for your post. I would like to send you a Christmas card if you don't mind sending me your address. My email is jbaumgarten@ubtanet.com.
Love, Kristen

Non-Mommy said...

I've been reading your wife's blog for years, now, and hardly ever left a comment. I regret that now. I wish I had tried to be more of an encouragement as she is to me.

I have never lost a spouse, so I can't fathom what you are going through. I do know that grief is very odd, and that the things you would have previously thought would upset you, won't, and the tiny things, like trashcans, will send you into a puddle of tears.

cojoki said...

I was going to take Krista's blog from my favorites, assuming there would be no more posts. I'm glad I didn't. Thank you for sharing.

dianne's blog said...

Jared - I'm sure you don't remember me. However, I've heard you and Krista perform together twice. Once when I was working at the temple and another time in a meeting here in Plano Stake. She was a beautiful woman and with so much talent in many ways. I know this is a really tough time. My heart goes out to you and your children. Thank you for keeping up with posting on her blog. There are so many of us concerned and who care. You will be in all of our prayers. Dianne Kerr

Faith said...

Jared, I'm so happy to know how many people are reaching out to you and the children. Krista touched so many lives--she helped save me after my IVF failed and I was left with so many questions and no answers, and so much grief I could hardly bear it. I am so glad that you posted this, and hope that you will continue posting. Joe and I both send our love and prayers to you and Jacob and Emma.

Anonymous said...


Unfortunately, I just found out about Krista's passing this morning - at the precise time of her memorial service. Like many others, I met Krista online, a few months after she started 2ofus4now. She was my angel...indeed, the best friend I never met. She kept me sane through some of the darkest times of my life. I cannot adequately express the depth of sorrow I feel at her passing. My heart goes out to you, your children, and her sweet mother. I hope you will continue to post on her blog. I have come to love your family very much and would like to know how you are doing.

"Death is a necessary part of life", she used to say. I am so grateful for the plan of salvation. It continues to give us the hope and faith she so beautifully help cultivate in those she ministered to. Thank you for sharing her with us. I will keep you and your sweet family in my prayers.

Rosa White
Reno, NV
6 m/c; 4 failed adoptions
2 ds-adoption through foster care
2 dd-adoption through foster care

Josh and Kristen said...

Jared- I just read over my comment and noticed a typo. I meant to say D&C 81:5. Not D&C 85. I am sorry!!!

Anonymous said...

I check Krista's blog every so often to see how you guys are doing and to catch up with some old friends of mine. It has been several weeks and now, today, I see Krista has gone home. I am so sorry for your loss of this great woman. I wish I could have been to the funeral. My prayers and thoughts are with you. I know I am far away and wish I was closer to you to share your loss. I love you guys.


Stephen said...

All I can say is bless your heart.

Judy said...

Brother Oakes,

What a well written post that warm my heart so much. That scripture is one of my favorites one. Sister Hinkley loves it very much too. Indeed, small things can make great. Althoguh, we all know where Krista is now and you will see her again, the feeling of losing someone who is your dear enternal companion and best friend is still a very difficult thing to face. We love the Oakes and know you and kids are watched for. Take care.

Tim and Judy Sharp

Anonymous said...

You and your family have once again reminded me to keep the faith, fight all the tough battles with a smile and continue on the path...whichever God has for us. May God and Peace with you and the kids at all times.

Dale said...


Morgan and I want you to know how truly sorry we are at Krista's passing. We will miss her a lot! Morgan still has fond memories watching Jacob and Emma during ES rehearsals. I wished I could have been there to sing with the choir. Please know You were in my thoughts and prayers that day. We have kept you in our prayers and throughout this holiday season. Merry Christmas to you and the kids.

Dale & Morgan Blankinship