Thursday, February 12, 2009

I'm here so I was there

MRI is 8 days away. Results are 12 days away. I'll finally get to solve the mystery of last month's suspicious MRI.

Reeeeeeally trying not to think about it. (It's like the joke where you tell someone not to think about a green striped hippopotamus.)

"It is what it is." That's my mantra. I repeat that as I make everything a neuro test. I beat a friend at Scrabble. (Good test.) I navigated down a bumpy hill during a walk with my son. (Good test.) I walked into a room and forgot why I was there. (Bad test.) Looking back over an email, I noticed a typo. (Making typo = bad test. Noticing typo = good test.) Had a mild headache when allergies were at their peak. (Probably neutral, but who knows...) And so it goes on.

The good news is that I'm here, so I was there.

On Sunday I was there to see my two children singing with the children's chorus at church. My son had a firm grip on the hand of a cute little girl in his class. My daughter was one of the youngest up there -- but without a shy bone in her body when it was time to sing. (I'm looking forward to teaching her voice lessons when she's old enough.)

Speaking of not being shy, I was also there during the last two testimony meetings, when my daughter walked up to the microphone of her own accord and testified to the whole congregation that she knew that Jesus loved her.

Last month I was there to help my son do another science fair project (on the physics of a "perfect pitch" in baseball). When he didn't win a trophy like he did last year, I was there to teach him that Honorable Mention was a fine outcome, because the most important thing he took home from his effort was a major improvement in his pitching technique. He used science in a way that had practical usefulness to meet a challenge (the upcoming little league "kid pitch" season). I was there to see him be a good sport and congratulate his classmate who won.

I was there to attend my son's baptism preview meeting. This was a soggy-eyed moment. As soon as my husband and I were married long enough that we "should have" had a child this age, we were wistful as we watched other people's children reach this milestone of baptism and confirmation. We wondered if we would ever have the chance to see a child of our own reach this milestone.

As soon as we held Jacob for the first time we anticipated this moment, along with many other milestone moments yet to come. Enter cancer while Emma was an infant, and before Jacob turned five. The statistical odds of my surviving until Jacob turned eight were not good at that time. Seeing Emma turn eight was supposed to be statistically zero. I noted that wistful feeling return again. Would I get the chance to see my children reach these milestones without having to peek from heaven? I want to be there.

So there we were, attending a meeting for all the children turning eight and getting baptized and confirmed this year. I was teary through the whole thing. March 28 is his day. Being there is less of a far-fetched notion.

A couple weeks before that will be his birthday party. "Indiana Jake and the Great Birthday Crus-EIGHT" is the theme. Being there will be a lot of fun. So will helping him get involved in cub scouting.

I was there with Jacob last Saturday night when he achieved a goal that he had set in the first grade. He was an eager reader, and took on a challenge -- to read the Book of Mormon before he was baptized and confirmed. He read to us each night and I was there to help him with the words and answer his questions. I was there on Saturday when he read the last words and expressed his tender feelings about them. Another moment sponsored by Kleenex.

Now our daughter wants to do the same. However, she needs to learn to read first. But I was there with her as she took on her first reading challenge: Dr. Seuss' Hop on Pop. We got as far as "Up, Pup. Pup is up." But it's fun to be there with this child who is a learning sponge.

Her birthday is coming up in June. I've already started planning the party, which is one of those "if we ever have a girl..." ideas back when when having a daughter was a very remote possibility. Being there when she is old enough to enjoy this was also a remote possibility. But it's becoming less remote, so we're having fun anticipating this moment.

I'm so grateful to be here so that I could be there for these precious moments. And I'm grateful that there are more milestones ahead in both the near-term and long-term. It's always good to have something specific to live for.

(Plus it keeps my mind off that green-striped hippopotamus on the 20th and 24th!)


Linda said...

I will be praying for a good outcome for you! My mom just made it to the one year mark and I look at your blog and think we can get further just like you have.

Krista said...

Sweet post t remind us of the miracles we hopefully get to experience. None of us know if we will get to see these things!