Saturday, May 26, 2007

Here we go again

This happened right before my last MRI, and it has happened again: bad lab results.

My bone marrow is under attack again, and my platelet count is too low for them to allow my chemo infusion next week. Everything else is borderline, and my doctor hinted last time that I may not be able to continue chemotherapy much longer.

However, they will do more lab testing again on Tuesday, and hopefully I'll have a rebound. I rebounded quickly last time in a big way that according to my brother Dr. Jim, "has no medical explanation." Once again prayers were working on my behalf, and they are needed again.

This Tuesday's MRI also carries the ghost of October's scan. Once again we are doing an MRI with spectroscopy. Last time it revealed tumor progression. I'm hoping that won't be a repeat occurrence. If I were in charge of the miracles, I'd be going for an MRI that shows the opposite: a completely disease-free brain that doesn't need chemotherapy anymore.

But I'm not in charge of the miracles. I don't know what should be for me, but Someone else does. Someone whose plan for me is a plan of happiness. Someone who has a perfect and grand perspective.

Prince Jared and I went to the temple last night, and as we drove there we listened to a group called Libera singing "Be Still, My Soul". And throughout the evening I kept thinking of one particular phrase in that hymn: "Leave to thy God to order and provide."

Whether it's bone marrow, a healthy brain, or peace to handle adversity, God will order and provide whatever is needful and expedient for his purposes for me.

He always has, and so here we go again...

8 comments:

LisaAnniePants said...

You don't know me, but I have been following your blog for a long time. I just wanted you to know that you are in my prayers, and I think you are courageous.

Kari said...

I will be praying for you also!

Proud Daughter of Eve said...

I'm praying for you too!

Jennie said...

hi! i too, have been reading your blog... i pray that you will be given the peace you need to face whatever may be ahead of you.

the Lord is mindful of your needs and desires. trust in Him. and His love...

Anonymous said...

I'll be praying for you Krista, my friend. You're terrific! It was so fun to talk to you and a couple of our other friends while you were in Utah! You are an amazing person, and I feel honored and blessed to know you and learn from you! Love and Hugs!!!
Teri

Dedee said...

I am praying for you.

I also love that song. It brings peace to my soul whenever I listen to it.

Thank you for inspiring me!

Faith said...

You're in my thoughts, as always, and my prayers, again as always.

Anonymous said...

Krista,

You don't know me but I have followed your blog almost since the beginning. I have been so inspired by your faith in Christ and knowing that He is in control of all of our lives. You are truly blessed with a wonderful husband and beautiful children that will always know how much their mother loved them, their dad and the Lord. You are in my thoughts and prayers--especially at this time. Be still your soul!!