Here we go again

This happened right before my last MRI, and it has happened again: bad lab results.

My bone marrow is under attack again, and my platelet count is too low for them to allow my chemo infusion next week. Everything else is borderline, and my doctor hinted last time that I may not be able to continue chemotherapy much longer.

However, they will do more lab testing again on Tuesday, and hopefully I'll have a rebound. I rebounded quickly last time in a big way that according to my brother Dr. Jim, "has no medical explanation." Once again prayers were working on my behalf, and they are needed again.

This Tuesday's MRI also carries the ghost of October's scan. Once again we are doing an MRI with spectroscopy. Last time it revealed tumor progression. I'm hoping that won't be a repeat occurrence. If I were in charge of the miracles, I'd be going for an MRI that shows the opposite: a completely disease-free brain that doesn't need chemotherapy anymore.

But I'm not in charge of the miracles. I don't know what should be for me, but Someone else does. Someone whose plan for me is a plan of happiness. Someone who has a perfect and grand perspective.

Prince Jared and I went to the temple last night, and as we drove there we listened to a group called Libera singing "Be Still, My Soul". And throughout the evening I kept thinking of one particular phrase in that hymn: "Leave to thy God to order and provide."

Whether it's bone marrow, a healthy brain, or peace to handle adversity, God will order and provide whatever is needful and expedient for his purposes for me.

He always has, and so here we go again...