Head Games

Yep, it's head games time again. Every eight weeks is "picture day", where I get an MRI shoot of my head. This time, however, is like last time -- there wasn't enough appointment space to do both the MRI and the doctor's visit (aka verdict) on the same day. So I get a nice 24+ hour period to sit and ponder the possibilities before I actually find out how the MRI looks on Thursday. Will it be another good news day, or will I be going in for an emergency craniotomy? Or worse? Or something in-between. It's kind of crazy.

As always, I approach this moment with a natural tendency to over-analyze everything, to try and guess how it might go. I have a sinus headache, which coincides with a whole bunch of allergy symptoms. (Headache = scary; allergy headache = normal.) So that might not mean anything. I had a karate lesson this evening and was reassured by how well my review of the material went. (Balance = check. Memory = check. Coordination = check.) But then I remembered that I was symptom-free when I had my last bad news scan. I wrote an email and noticed a typo. (Typo = bad; noticing it = good.) I just keep going back and forth, trying to guess how I'm doing, which is so silly, because after all this time (yeah -- ALL this time, which alone is a good thing) I should have no problem remembering that things are what they are, and it's just time to find out so we can deal with anything that tries to get in my way. (Or celebrate, if nothing's getting in my way.)

New to my blog soundtrack is a song that takes me back to high school in the 80's, when Foreigner reigned supreme:

I daydream for hours it seems

I keep thinkin of you, yeah, thinkin of you

These daydreams, what do they mean?

They keep haunting me, are they warning me?

Daylight turns into night

We try and find the answer but its nowhere in sight

Its always the same and you know who's to blame

You know what Im sayin', still we keep on playin'

Head games, thats all I get from you

Head games, and I cant take it anymore

Head games, dont wanna play the...Head games

(Okay, well actually, I CAN take it, and I WILL take it, and I'll play the head game and hopefully I'll win!)

Enjoy the suspense with me...and much thanks to those who help me float through these moments on prayer!