(By the way, as a postscript - no pun intended - to yesterday's post, KPGR radio is on FM 88.1 in Utah Valley - that would be an awfully low temperature! I was miserable with fever and chills this morning, it got better this afternoon, and it's cranking back up tonight. Really looking forward to a remedy soon.)
On Friday evening, as we sat in our temple, I experienced the contrasting conditions of discomfort and spiritual enlightenment. I was miserable with fever and chills, and I was anxious to know the MRI results. At the same time, however, I was in a place that helped calibrate my focus back to "the most important thing", and everything else just becomes details. It is always a wonderful place to be.
At the conclusion of our ordinance work, as we were sitting and reflecting in the Celestial Room (a beautiful room that represents the presence of God), the thought occurred to me that "I lack nothing." It's true. I lack nothing.
I have everything that I need to reach my highest potential. I have the opportunity to live on this earth and receive a physical body (even though it got cancer at age 38, it's still a blessing to have). I have a Savior who bore my sins and my sorrows and pains, and who atoned for me and was resurrected for me. His gospel has been restored to the earth, giving me access to the saving ordinances and blessings that come through restored priesthood authority. I was born of goodly parents who taught me the gospel, so that it has been a part of my life from its foundation. I have a very loving and wonderful family - including the family I was born into, the family I married into, and the family my husband and I have built together. I have a sure knowledge and testimony of my Heavenly Father's love for me, and His watchful care over me. I know that, no matter how violent this rollercoaster ride becomes at times, I can always trust in Him. I have been blessed in the past with experiences of adversity, which taught me so much and shaped my trust in Him. He will always do what is best for me, and what will ultimately bring me "through thorny ways" to a "joyful end".
My daily needs are always met through a bounty of blessings. My husband's employer (really, guys - buy LOTS of Mary Kay stuff!!!) and my wonderful clients give us a secure living. I have access to very capable and competent medical care, using advanced technology. We have an army of angels from my church family, who make sure I have any help that I need, from driving to childcare to meals to laundry and housekeeping, to ANYTHING. The Lord uses His children to bless His children.
In addition to what I "need", I have also been blessed with special delights: talents and abilities and opportunities to use them, beautiful and happy relationships (including the great love of my life and the two great joys of my life - all of whom live in my home), an appreciation for good music and an opportunity to hear it often, and a long list of "tender mercies" that have been given to me.
I realized that when it comes to the things that I need, I lack nothing. Nothing. I can't think of a single thing that I could possibly need, that isn't here or ready to show up as soon as it is needed.
Is there something that I want? Yes. I want complete remission of this cancer. For-evvvvv-er. I want to live long enough to raise our children. Do I lack these things? These are things that remain to be seen. We always get what we need. We sometimes can also get what we want, if it is not contrary to the will of the Lord. I hope I get what I want, and I know that by putting my righteous desires before the Lord in prayer, I reveal my heart to Him.