This morning was my "no no no no no" day. The full weight of my situation fell upon my shoulders, and I wept bitterly.
Sometimes I feel like I am being carried on a cloud of faith. Sometimes I feel strong enough to handle all things. I know that I can trust in the Lord and feel the peace of that submission.
However, sometimes I think of the details of this process. The pain my son will suffer. The separation from my husband - the great love of my life - and my beloved children. The events I will miss. The details that are too painful to ponder.
And sometimes, despite my faith and my strength, I have those moments where my heart breaks and I want to cry out, "no no no no no NO!"
The answer is silent. What will be will be. Endure it well. Doubt not, fear not. All will be well.