Sunday, December 18, 2005

The "no no no no no" Day

This morning was my "no no no no no" day. The full weight of my situation fell upon my shoulders, and I wept bitterly.

Sometimes I feel like I am being carried on a cloud of faith. Sometimes I feel strong enough to handle all things. I know that I can trust in the Lord and feel the peace of that submission.

However, sometimes I think of the details of this process. The pain my son will suffer. The separation from my husband - the great love of my life - and my beloved children. The events I will miss. The details that are too painful to ponder.

And sometimes, despite my faith and my strength, I have those moments where my heart breaks and I want to cry out, "no no no no no NO!"

The answer is silent. What will be will be. Endure it well. Doubt not, fear not. All will be well.


Anonymous said...

Hello Krista,
Cousin Steve in Japan here. It has been "longtime no see". I was sad to hear of your troubles but I think we are all really in the same boat. We never know what the next moment will bring. It can always be our last moment. We never know what is instore for us. I often think what today will bring me. It sometimes brings heartbreak and sometimes happiness. But I have found that the best way to live is to just live now. We cannot worry about what may be or what was. We can only do anything about "now". Keep up your spirits, all is well. Take care and smile. We are keeping you and your family in our prayers.
Steve Skinner

Anonymous said...

Kevin, the girls and I have been praying for you every day since we heard about your troubles. As someone who has battled cancer this past year (bone for me) I do know the fear that is going thru you right now. The "what ifs" will get to you, so please don't play that game. Living for today and being grateful for what you have is how I have survived. My new favorite hymn is "Count Your Blessings" and I sing it each and every day. Now, with your voice I'm sure you can do better than me, but we will just pretend that I have an opera quality voice for now, okay? :O)

Please know that I am here for you, just as you have been for me. You are my lap band buddy! BTW, the lap band is a real plus when it comes to chemo... it makes it harder to puke. See... counting blessings. (VBG) Seriously, get some peppermint oil for your chemo. Put a small dab under your nose and it works sooo well.

Give me a call or email me when you have a chance. I would love to catch up since I've been sick this past year (ok, 16 months, 8 days and 12 hours). Congrats on Emma... she is beautiful. I loved the pics on the newsletter!

Gentle hugs,
Cindy Trotman