One of the potential risks discussed with me in my pre-op "informed consent" process was the possible loss of musical ability. Music is so important to me. Even though I have a hard time emotionally with some music, because of its association with various memories and events, I still LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE to sing.
Today my husband and I sang together in church. We chose a selection from Handel's Messiah. I sang the "He Shall Feed His Flock" part, and my husband did the "Come Unto Him" part (as a tenor instead of a soprano). It was a wonderful celebration of the continuation of my ability to sing. My husband is an AMAZING tenor, and his solo was incredible. I was happy to have been able to throw in all the "diva" ornamentation that I like to use on this song. I also thought the words were very appropriate for us:
He shall feed his flock like a shepherd
And he shall gather the lambs with his arm
And carry them in his bosom
And gently lead those that are with young
(I kept thinking of myself as someone who is praying to live long enough to raise her "young")
Come unto him, all ye that labor
Come unto him, that are heavy laden, and he will give you rest
Take his yoke upon you and learn of him
For he is meek and lowly of heart, and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
(We have been heavy laden and are in great need of rest)
Our musical number followed a very relevant talk about faith amidst adversity. The speaker said so many things that were very useful to our situation. Among these, he talked about how everyone has a moment where they hit the giant "wall of faith". This is definitely our giant wall of faith right now. The test is whether we rely on the arm of flesh, or whether we put our trust in the Lord. I felt a spiritual feast throughout the meeting. It felt great. And then I had my "music therapy" with the primary children again. The whole thing lightened my heart.
Tomorrow I begin chemotherapy. Sometime this week I will start radiation. I have that "first day of school tomorrow" kind of jittery feeling right now. I'm so glad I was able to spend so many hours this morning in a spiritual feast to help me through this naturally anxious time.