"As a man thinketh, so is he..." (Proverbs 23:7)
So...does that mean if I can lighten my mood, my body might follow? (Hope springs eternal!)
Yesterday started with that same old heavy ache in my heart as I awakened. It's so awful. But as the day progressed, and as I continued my quest to figure out how to endure this well and "be of good cheer", I found the day getting easier.
Last night I wasn't plagued by my typical insomnia. Even when a storm woke us up with some thunder, I was able to fall back asleep. That was a gift. And this morning when I awoke, there was no heavy heartache. I felt considerably lighter. (Let's hope my thighs follow suit.)
Of course, today I continued in a positive pattern, enjoying my "music therapy" with the Primary children, and launching a new season of church choir practice. It felt really good.
It's not like I'm bouncy about the whole cancer thing, but today is a much lighter, easier day. Not as fearful. Not as dreadful. Not as soggy with tears that can't wait to fall. A day that is easier to accept hope. And maybe that will feed more hope and more faith, sufficient to work the miracle that I desperately need. Maybe I will even buy some green bananas next week!
Our family also lost a little bit of financial weight by streamlining our vehicle situation. Since I can't drive, there was really no sense in maintaining two cars. So my husband managed to trade in both cars for a new, seven-passenger Ford Explorer, which will better meet our needs. And the best thing is that after I agreed to the concept, he handled all the details (because sometimes details like that make me nuts right now). I was excited about the new car, but as he brought it home and I sat in it for the first time, I briefly wondered if it would be my last car. It was kind of creepy to think about. So I tried not to think about it. I did get a chuckle when my husband suggested some possible vanity license plates, including: 2MR GRL (Tumor Girl). I vetoed that one, but it was a lighthearted moment. I think we'll try something like 4EVR FAM (Forever Family).
We went for an inaugural family ride last night and blasted the music of Heart (such a cool girl band that can really rock), because it can sometimes be a good "scream" outlet. It was just fun. But I know that if I end up being called to lead the choir for the second coming (my niece's theory, in case I die), we would not be doing any selections from Heart. That's okay. Hopefully I won't need a scream outlet there. And I suppose getting to bask in the works of Handel and Brahms would be a really fine thing. It's "lighter" music. And we're trying to lighten up a lot right now.